Roller Derby Chronicles: Thanks, Derby.
When first asked to join roller derby almost 16 years ago, I could not wrap my brain around the idea of spending all of that time with so many women. So many personalities! There was an immediate assumption of drama and back stabbing and all of those fun stereotypes we were brainwashed into believing is just part of the package. I had grown up with older brothers, was always “one of the boys” in school, all that jazz. Keeping solid female friendships proved a daunting task. If I found one attractive?! Forget about it. I’d just say something stupid to mess it up within the first ten minutes. They were intimidating and I had no idea how to interact with them. So, the idea of as an adult joining a sports team full of women…yikes. Sounded like high school volleyball all over again. *insert eye roll*
Almost a decade, and many impulsive, life decisions later, I was living in a new state as a homeschooling mom to two tiny females. The only “friend” I had was my husband and that friendship was starting to sour. Now that I had these two girls with me all of the time, I was able to see this genuine friendship between them that I had never experienced. I became not jealous of their relationship but rather sad for my younger self for not having had those moments of “you got this, sis” that came so naturally to them. It was time to stop trapping myself in the house, start losing that baby weight, and make some friends, dag-nabit. I joined mom groups, a homeschool co-op, and a hiking group. It was great but I still only met maybe three women who I connected with beyond the fact that we both had kids.
Right as I got in the groove of these groups and friendships, we moved out of state again. This time I was determined to join something where I could make friends as myself rather than as a mom. Time to feel like an individual person rather than a job title. Naturally, I joined a book club. At the first meeting I was approached by a woman who said I looked like I should play roller derby. Without a moment of hesitation, I said yes. No more letting my insecurities or outdated stereotypes hold me back.
Mind you, I hadn’t worn roller skates since I was a toddler. Growing up in Orange County, there was always a surfboard or skateboard under my feet. In fact, roller skates were straight up frowned upon. However, by the end of that first seeds practice I was hooked. Then I started going to the drafted players’ practices and seeing these women with different personalities, different lifestyles, all lifting each other up…it was just wow. No one on that track is meant to only serve themselves. Not even the jammer. There is no room for egos, my amigos.
After decades of having to have my own back with a “trust no one” mindset, I was suddenly immersed in a sport all about trust in not only your teammates but in yourself and your own body. Honestly, it’s beautiful. I quickly formed some solid friendships and gained respect for every player on the team. In fact, my lowest day in derby thus far has been at a bout where I could see the more experienced teammates were totally gassed. A handful of them were getting put in jam after jam as they tried their hardest to get our points up. Despite their best efforts, we were getting annihilated. A newer teammate (yet a clear natural) was giving her best in the position I had been trying to learn. I felt so badly for my team and my inability to perform at the level they clearly needed me at. I had to sit on the bench and just watch them get absolutely exhausted because apparently an exhausted them gave us more of a shot at points than a refreshed me. *Insert all of the self-loathing*
After the bout, one teammate noticed my forlorn face and thought I was just upset about not playing much. I let her know that though I understood why I was not put in, the concept of not being able to help was frustrating. For not yet being at a level where I could be trusted to go in when those teammates whom I had grown to adore needed a breather. Despite this annoyingly emo moment, she had nothing but positive, uplifting things to say. That conversation was so far from anything I had ever previously heard in sports or in my old career or life. Not excelling quickly always led to a heated conversation with a baseline of “figure it out or get the F out”. However, my teammate wanted to ensure that I walked away from that bout proud of myself and encouraged to keep on going.
I still have A LOT to improve on as a human and a skater but I know I’ll get there because I have an inspiring group of women next to me who have my back as I strive to have theirs. Thanks, Derby.
